also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
