Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
