Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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