I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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