but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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