yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
