Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
