my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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