but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
