So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
