i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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