Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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