Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
