did you get engaged???
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
