I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
