So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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