??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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