im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Shame - the story of my life.
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