I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
