dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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