worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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