I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Did we literally take a cab across the street
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
