bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
