I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
