my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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