Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
