wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
