I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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