You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
