I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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