dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That accounts for only three of the penises
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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