Moan for me like Helen Keller
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
