can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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