and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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