I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
