yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think your dad took our porno
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
