The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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