respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
