I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
