Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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