tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
