Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
