you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
