the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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