I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
