I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
