I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
