Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
