I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
