soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize