I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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