A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
