hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
