please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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