Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
