i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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