i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
