mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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