you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
