Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
