I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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