I cockslap morals
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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