I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
