The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
