This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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