if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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