At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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