3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
