New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
