Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
