Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
