Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
