Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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